Becoming a mom wasn’t something that I was ever afraid of. I was mentally prepared for all of the things that I would need to do. I was a nanny from 12 (yep, I have always been an old soul) until I left for college. I knew how to warm frozen breast milk and deal with a blowout. I had practiced the creeping out of the room as they fell asleep maneuver. Basically, I was confident going in to being a mother. It helped having an amazing example of a mother, but if I’m being totally transparent I was eager (and stubborn) to do it all myself and not need help. I still am in ways, but that’s another story for another day.
Having Elliot was by far the most humbling experience I have ever had. It doesn’t matter how much you think you know or are prepared for, there is absolutely nothing. NOTHING. That can prepare you for the love that you feel as a mother. For the absolute joy and absolute fear that can all be happening at the same time. I struggle to even write this, because there aren’t words. I’ll keep it short and say that moms are insane. We are overbearing. We are (or should be) an unfiltered support group for one another. We nag. We forget to brush our teeth. We hover. We worry. We are silly. We are hard on you. We let you fall. We pick you up. We wipe tears. We make smiles. We think about you before we think about ourselves. We don’t want to let you grow up, but are so excited and proud to see who you will become. We see ourselves in you, good and sometimes bad. And we love. Unconditionally.
So to my own Mom. I get you a little bit more after these last few years and thank you, quite simply because I don’t have any better words. To expecting moms. Brace yourself for the most fearfully wonderful ride. To new moms. Come find me if you need a hug and a moment of “holy crap”. And to the moms who have experienced loss. I sincerely hope that your loss and sadness are one day met with overwhelming joy and healing.